Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
