Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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