Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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