They should really pass out barf bags in church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
