I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
