You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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