Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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