Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
