he shaved USA in his pubs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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