Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
