all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
