My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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