she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i dont even know how to be here
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
