you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
