i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
