I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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