After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she told me i tasted like america
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
