white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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