OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
