I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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