If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
