We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
