i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
