You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
