and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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