So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
