Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
