i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
