Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
