I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
