Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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