I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
