Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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