Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
