I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
