On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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