apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
