I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
