Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
