Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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