then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
