Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
