I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
