How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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