kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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