Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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