sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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