dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
