her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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