My pussy is not your playground.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
