p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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