We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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